Nominations Please

Faithful readers will know that when Keegan was born, he was given a nickname by his sister: Dream Baby. Between those eyes and his happy demeanor, it seemed appropriate at the time.

Well, that nickname will no longer do. Don't let those eyes fool you. Shocking though it may seem, our 16+ month toddler is getting closer to the terrible twos on a daily basis, and in any event he no longer qualifies as a baby. And so, we offer some potential alternative nicknames for your consideration, with brief explanations for each.

The Two Foot Tornado

Okay. So he is a little taller than two feet. But he is all tornado. Cupboards seem to suck open as he walks by, and before you can blink there is broken glass on the floor. Drawers get pulled off their rollers, contents strewn about the room helter skelter. No basket of things is too large to be overturned. In fact, the bigger the better, makes for a nice challenge and some good grunting, y'know. Finished with food? Why of course you dump it on the floor. What else are you going to do with it?

He really loves dropping everything and anything--silverware, drink cups, plates full of food, mountains of peas, small domesticated animals--off of his high chair tray. That is nothing new, but now he looks you right in the eye just before he does it with that "I know this is wrong but what exactly are you going to do about it" look, and does it any way. Really would tick me off if he didn't grin like the cheshire cat right afterwards. It takes two of us, running behind him at full speed, just to keep up with the mess.

Captain Train Wreck

See explanation above. This also seems fitting because any semi-astute observer will note that he lives to compete with his brother over who will drive the Bailey train (or whatever is left of that rambling wreck) on this day. Worse yet, he wins more than any 16-month old has a right to (at least according to his three year old brother).

The Hair Collector

Keegan has discovered just how effective hair pulling can be. When your brother screams "No! That's mine!" you simply grab a couple of fistfuls and pull for your life. Sure enough, toy drops to floor as brother runs crying to mom, and it is all yours. Tired of your sister kissing your face off and carrying you around like a rag doll? No problem. Lure her in with a promise of a return kiss and wrap your vice-like deditos around those long strawberry locks. In no time at all she hands you off to mom and there is no kissing involved whatsoever.

(Sorry, no picture here. It seems too cruel to stop and take one in the middle of a torture session--I'm just not a Dick Cheney kinda guy.)

The Soccer Hooligan

Keegan is nothing if not versatile, and readily takes his talent for dropping things outside. What harm can that cause, you ask? He might respond in this way:

"Who wants to just play soccer with dad? It is much more fun to kick or even throw the ball down off the hill, and see how far it will roll. (That would be very, very far.) Then dad will pick me up and carry me all the way down to the neighbor's back yard, and I really like their (guard) dog. Plus I get the added bonus of Alden crying because his ball is lost. Win-Win there."

The Wrestler

Put him on the diaper table, and he becomes the Michael Jordan of the wrestling world. I had no idea a little body could generate so much torque. Rulon Gardner has nothing but a few pounds on this one. He is impossible to pin, even with two hands. Try that and wiping his butt at the same time, and you are a gonner. You'll forgive me, I'm sure, for the lack of photographs of this fine talent.

Agent Provocateur

Whatever Alden has, Keegan wants, and takes. If it can't be done by brute strength, there are tricks. See Hair Collector, supra. (Sorry, bad legal habits are hard to break.)

The Third Leg

You mothers know what I am talking about. 'Nuff said.

Now, not all nominations have to do with disaster. Occasionally we find moments of amusement amongst the detritus. Here are a couple of more benign possibilities.

Linus Bailey

Keegan just loves this blue blanket, and carries it around whenever he is given the chance. He won't sleep without it, and when you hand it to him in his car seat or his crib, he first does the happy kicks, then pulls it to his cheek for a soft caress. Next it is over his head to hide from the daylight, and finally, bunched up in his little, sleeping fist, as if he never wants to let it go. Next thing you know he'll be hanging out in a pumpkin patch all night.

The Dancing Machine

Keegan simply cannot resist music, and he has to dance. In his high chair eating when a snappy Backyardigans tune comes on? Don't even think about keeping those straps on. He will throw anything within reach on the floor, one at a time, while looking at you with a "are you not getting the message here" look, until you take him out and let him dance. For him, that means spinning in circles and jigging. We're amazed that he doesn't fall over, but it seems that he can do this forever, or at least as long as the music lasts. It is much more fun on a stage, of course, which for us, means a couch thoroughly stripped of all its cushions so you can really get your freak on without loosing your balance.

So there you have it. Not an exhaustive list, but it was enough to exhaust me just writing about it. Votes anyone?

P.S. Sam Javadi, the gauntlet has been thrown.